Well i wouldn’t change the bad things as they have taught me lessons on life and the good things are well…. good.

Everything that has ever happened to me has made me who i am raaa

Oh there are loads,

Fucking up on drugs when i was younger, running away from all my family and bumming about for a few months, leaving everything i knew to make a new life in Oxford, Quitting being a chef and getting an office job, admitting i was wrong and patching up the differences with family,

It seems easyer to remember some of the bad things, but the good things seem harder to remember. There are probably as many good things as there are bad

getting into the rave scene – having loads of fun but watching at least a third of the people I know totally fuck up on the way, but somehow surviving and carrying on..

after the dot com crash when IT jobs were hard to get, working for the Civil Service for 3.5 years was also an eye-opener; after I had spent so many years cursing the Government, it turned out to be the only organisation willing to offer me a job after I had taken a whole year out from employment partying hard! –

I couldn’t see any other country than Britain treating a rebellious person like that, and had I not got employment at that time I reckon I could easily have decided to do crime to fund myself, as I felt angry that my skills were being ignored just because I had dared to rebel for a bit..

(I got loads of interviews for private sector IT companies, second interviews but always fell at the last hurdle and I think it was because of the employment gap, they didn’t like the thought that someone could dare to not work for so long)..

I couldn’t believe that in the end it was actually the Govt who got me back on my feet – in return I worked hard at that job, even giving up partying for a year so I could concentrate a bit more on work – and the experience I gained helped me get an even better job when my contract finally ended (was supposed to be 2 weeks, ended up being 3.5 years :laugh_at:)

Moving out of Reading (although it was unexpected) has helped me a lot as well, even though Ipswich isn’t the prettiest of places and is probably best known for footy and dead prostitutes, the surrounding areas are far nicer than SE England.

Plus getting away from the more full-on aspects of the party scene and concentrating more on “other life stuff” whilst still being able to participate in it when I want has helped me loads… (was getting into ketamine a bit back in Reading, after years of not liking the stuff, and even then I didn’t really enjoy it but it was a way of blotting out the paranoia/worries I had about being nicked for organising parties, helping squat buildings etc)

*Car accident at the age of 13…came back to life after 3 days in coma…never could be the same after that;I still think death can be fun,waiting for a definitive proof .I can’t cry no more when someone die,even if very close or familiy…

*Datura experiment at the age of 16…came back to life after 12 hours walking thrue my most awful nightmares turned into reality.Made me aware of the darkest side of human,and accepting it as a permanent part of myself and others.

*72h on an LSD(and others) total trip at the age of 18;I died and re-born,and since have a kind golden seed deep in my heart.Made me forgot fear and quit everything(school,family,GF),and seek my life by myself.Nothing is important,but everything is.

nothing specific really, like not one incident

but, learning from my many mistakes

and repeating them

and learning again

i’m still doing it and shaping my character tbh so who knows

the drugs, and ex boyfriends, unfortunately.

luckily i’ve got enough time left to change it 🙂

For the good: Aspects of the ‘party scene’ helped me come out of my shell…

Used to be incrediably shy and could come across ( Was told this years later) as rude and arrogant, as would not let people close inorder to self preserve,
having enbraced certain aspects of the ‘scene’ found my confidence to interact more freely (some would say false confidence) with people and this began to spill out into other social situations..

For the bad: went rather nutty :crazy:

Life…sorry …erm..my kids…taught me so much …..:love: bless their cotton socks …music in a big way always ….;Love + sex …chocolate,wild nites…:laugh_at: :bounce_fl

a few things that have given me (what I think is) a good perspective on life…

growing up and my family fostering other kids whose family weren’t able to look after them

being homeless

living in a warzone

becoming a parent

The previous 37 years of my life have made me the person I am today..