Houses made of wood and plaster are ace, because with even a LITTLE SKILL you can make undetectable voids and empty spaces, that are impossible to find but easy to access.

I wouldn’t know where to start doing that in these damn houses.

Time is just ZIPPING by, it’s been 2 and a half years.

Yeah I like that, sunny at 10pm.
It’s like finding yourself on another planet this place.

I have this complex track in my head which was inspired by last winter.
I need to sit down and just do it.

The Jericho Tavern, YUP!

Well I guess I could take your eye teeth as a downpayment on the first month’s rent. You’ll have to live in the loft though.
😉

Well hey, if I ever cruise down to South Africa, please let me know where the action is!

The thing is, the big things, you expect those to be different.

You’re prepared for the government, the employment laws, the health care system, to all be different.

So what screws you everytime is the little stuff you take for granted.

So the first time you encounter a box of UHD milk, or the first time someone says “Happy Christmas!”, or the first time you learn there’s a complex system of pub etiquette which you have now completely blown,
etc. etc

It’s kind of like being on a parallel earth.

Everyone is still speaking the same language as you – pretty much.
Cars are still the same – pretty much.
You need to get a TV licence now, and milk floats still exist.

Tiny wee little changes like that make me feel like I’m in slightly different dimension.

Three true stories about this –

Okay so the very first time I came to England, I’d never left the country before, I was SOOOO naive.

I was travelling around the country, meeting people at random, and then sleeping on their couches, spare beds, in their car, where ever.

Anyway I got hooked up with these two cool dudes, Lee and Dave.
And we went to the pub. I was totally dirt broke and these dudes
kept buying me round after round and I was thinking –

“WOW! These guys are so cool to keep buying me drinks, cause they KNOW I’M DIRT POOR! I love the ENGLISH!”

Eventually Lee threatened to shiv me, and that’s how I found out about round buying.

But it was a crowded pub, so I needed to get the bartenders attention right? Like you would back in California. Obviously wave and make yourself plainly visible right?? Oh that’s not working. Mmm maybe I should wave my money in the air????

So there’s me not being served!

Anyway, sometime later I was at a pub with this dude Jamie.

And I know all about the round buying stuff, so I offer him a round.

I go up, and politely wait at the bar not making an ass of myself or even acting remotely interested in being served — which seems to do the trick.

“Can I have a Stella and an Old Rosie?”

The bartender goes off, starts pouring. Then Jamie launches into me –

“YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY PLEASE! May I have a Stella and an Old Rosie PLEASE!”

And I was sheepish and said “Oh sorry. I thought I was being polite cause I said ‘Can I’. That’s polite in California.”

And no one seemed impressed.

Then a random dude yelled out “Don’t worry mate! If they’re SO AMERICAN, EXPECT A HUGE TIP!”

And the whole place burst out laughing.

I was so embarrassed I apologised AGAIN and gave the bartender a 20% tip.

I recently found out you AREN’T supposed to tip barmen, but offer them a drink instead.

ARGH!!!!!

I need to do a doctorate in this pub stuff!

Okay here is the one that screws me every time –

You go to the pub with your good mate.

You have a vague memory that the last time you went to the pub together he bought a few more rounds than you. So you think this time you should obviously start.

You say “Can I get you a drink?”

There’s a weird, awkward pause. And then your mate says “Oh let me get this one!”

At this point, I’m screwed. Because sometimes I say “Really?? I could get it.”

And then the person just goes off and buys the drink anyway.

And sometimes I say “Oh, okay then.” But I kinda’ feel there’s still an imbalance.

As it is, I am always totally surprised by the counter offer and never expect it coming.

The worst case of this was when we had agreed I’d order the drinks.
I ordered the drinks. I started to reach out with my hand to give the barman the money, but then at the LAST SECOND and with lightning speed, completely unannounced, my friend thrust a 10 pound note into the bar man’s hand, paying for the drink.

There had been no debate about who was paying beforehand.

Yeah, this whole, Round Gazumping, confuses me!

Oh I’ll need that one for sure.

Cool!
Thanks!

Well I’ll just do my usual trick of babbling along until I say something so stupid everyone hates me! 🙂

*smile*